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kiwi_2005
Joined: 23 May 2004
Posts: 1286
Location: New Zealand
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 Posted: Thu Apr 06, 2006 4:41 pm Post subject: Scottish Courting |
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A young Scottish lad and lass were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, gazing out over the loch. For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus." "Well, uh, I was thinkin'...perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss." The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek. Then he blushed. The two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. Minutes passed, then the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus." "Well, uh I was thinkin'...perhaps its noo aboot time for a wee cuddle." The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him for a few seconds. Then he blushed and the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. After a while, she again said, "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus." "Well, uh I was thinkin'...perhaps its aboot time you let me pewt ma hand on yer leg." The girl blushed, then took his hand and put it on her leg, and the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. After a while, she again said, "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus." "Well, uh I was thinkin'...perhaps its aboot time you let me pewt ma hand on yer knee." The girl blushed, then took his hand and put it on her knee. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch before the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus." The young man glanced down with a furled brow. "Well, noo," he said, "My thoughts are a wee bit more serious this time." "Really?" said the girl in a whisper, filled with anticipation. "Aye," said the lad, nodding. The girl looked away in shyness, began to blush, and bit her lip in anticipation of the ultimate request. And he said, "Din'na ye think it's aboot time ye paid me the first FOUR pennies?"
[edited for Avon three is now four] 
Last edited by kiwi_2005 on Fri Apr 07, 2006 2:32 am; edited 1 time in total |
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Kapitan
Joined: 10 Mar 2005
Posts: 5385
Location: essex england also st petersburg russia
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| Posted: Thu Apr 06, 2006 4:43 pm Post subject: |
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| LMAO nice one kiwi btw are you on MSN? |
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kiwi_2005
Joined: 23 May 2004
Posts: 1286
Location: New Zealand
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| Posted: Thu Apr 06, 2006 4:59 pm Post subject: |
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| yup. i just dont have it running all the time. Been meaning to DL icq. |
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Kapitan
Joined: 10 Mar 2005
Posts: 5385
Location: essex england also st petersburg russia
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| Posted: Thu Apr 06, 2006 5:00 pm Post subject: |
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| Ok might see you on there one day havnt spoken to you in a while, got so many contacts now its a nightmare. |
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kiwi_2005
Joined: 23 May 2004
Posts: 1286
Location: New Zealand
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| Posted: Thu Apr 06, 2006 5:58 pm Post subject: |
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will be a pleasure kapitan.
im more addicted to forums than msn though at the moment.  |
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TteFAboB
Joined: 31 Oct 2004
Posts: 649
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| Posted: Thu Apr 06, 2006 6:11 pm Post subject: |
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Funny.  |
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The Avon Lady
Joined: 18 May 2005
Posts: 3267
Location: Jerusalem, Israel
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| Posted: Fri Apr 07, 2006 2:15 am Post subject: |
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I don't get it. :hmm:
I counted 4 pennies.  |
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Kapitan
Joined: 10 Mar 2005
Posts: 5385
Location: essex england also st petersburg russia
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| Posted: Fri Apr 07, 2006 2:25 am Post subject: |
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Smart ar$e  |
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kiwi_2005
Joined: 23 May 2004
Posts: 1286
Location: New Zealand
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| Posted: Fri Apr 07, 2006 2:52 am Post subject: |
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A bit on the rude side but hey were all adults huh? This is very funny down under as us kiwi's and aussies always fling sheep jokes at each other. 
Voted Best Joke of the Year in Australia
Kris walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says: "Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache." His girlfriend is lying in bed and replies: "I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot." The man says: "I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you."
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Egan
Joined: 21 Sep 2001
Posts: 2325
Location: Red Clydeside
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| Posted: Mon Apr 17, 2006 7:47 am Post subject: |
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| kiwi_2005 wrote: | A bit on the rude side but hey were all adults huh? This is very funny down under as us kiwi's and aussies always fling sheep jokes at each other.
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It does seem to be a running theme: This one was told to me by an Ozzie oil-worker friend of mine:
An Australian gentleman was in New Zealand one day and decided to see some of the countryside. As he was walking past a field he glanced over to see a farmer making 'The Beast' with a sheep.
"Hey mate," the Australian called out. "Where i come from, we sheer them!"
"So what?" The farmer called back. " 'Round here we don't share these buggers with anyone!"
Yes, well. Sound jokes don't work so well written down, do they? You should probably read it with an Australian accent! |
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Khayman
Joined: 20 Apr 2005
Posts: 94
Location: Scotland
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| Posted: Tue Apr 18, 2006 4:17 am Post subject: |
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As a Scotsman I protest. Jokes like copper wire being invented by two Scotsman fighting over a penny are extreme and hideous racism.
I've written a thesis on the subject, a point by point refutation of every anti-Scottish joke ever made. Anyone interested in reading it can send me £100 in a stamped addressed envelope |
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Egan
Joined: 21 Sep 2001
Posts: 2325
Location: Red Clydeside
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| Posted: Tue Apr 18, 2006 12:33 pm Post subject: |
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| Khayman wrote: | As a Scotsman I protest. Jokes like copper wire being invented by two Scotsman fighting over a penny are extreme and hideous racism.
I've written a thesis on the subject, a point by point refutation of every anti-Scottish joke ever made. Anyone interested in reading it can send me £100 in a stamped addressed envelope |
'And next on BBC one, after the news, we have all the greatest movies ever made. Except for viewers in Scotland.who have their OWN programs' . 
And it was always Gaelic for Pets or something.....
By far the worst thing is the constantly embarressing 'Uncle Tam' type stereotyping that is carried out by Visit Scotland and the Scottish executive in search of the Tourist money. And the cringe worthy 'Tartan Day' celebrations in New York which only exists so that second rate MSP Pillocks can get a free Jolly to the states to have their photo taken with a bored looking Sean Connery. Worried about the economy? How about spending some of that money in building an economic infrastructure? Tourism? Pah, I'm going to start running safaris to Saracen Street in High Possil after dark. That'll draw them in:
"If you look to the left you can Just see a young Ned looking out from that bus shelter. You will notice that he is feeding just now from a bottle of Buckfast perhaps prior to chibbing some daftie fae the Maryhill Fleeto. We can get a little bit closer if you would like but if he starts barking 'Tongs, Tongs, Ya Bas!" we should all get back in the jeep and lock the doors."
Yup, thar's money in them thar hills.
The Jokes don't worry me. In fact, one of the things that I love about living in Europe is the constant and low level sniping everyone takes at everyone else. Mostly it is done tongue in cheek. Its one of the things I love about living in Britain too: Taking the pee out of the Welsh and the Irish and then ganging up with then against the English, especially when it ends in the classic 'But I just don't understand why you won't support us in the World Cup.."
Anyway, if it all gets to you all you have to do is remeber we invented the modern world...Not bad going for a nation of hairy men in skirts. |
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DeepSix
Joined: 27 Mar 2005
Posts: 802
Location: DB22
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| Posted: Tue Apr 18, 2006 2:17 pm Post subject: |
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| Egan wrote: | Pah, I'm going to start running safaris to Saracen Street in High Possil after dark. That'll draw them in:
"If you look to the left you can Just see a young Ned looking out from that bus shelter. You will notice that he is feeding just now from a bottle of Buckfast perhaps prior to chibbing some daftie fae the Maryhill Fleeto. We can get a little bit closer if you would like but if he starts barking 'Tongs, Tongs, Ya Bas!" we should all get back in the jeep and lock the doors."
Yup, thar's money in them thar hills.
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I'm only an American tourist, but I think I can relate. In North Carolina, the Cherokee tourist spots used to have (they may still have) "braves" all suited up in headdresses and feathers and paint (most of which was not even really traditional Cherokee) and they'd do all the stereotypical antics. Tourist dollars (or pounds) are great for the economy, but there's a price.
On a touristy trip to Edinburgh several years ago we were bussed to some restaurant or hotel or someplace where we were piped off the coach (by a piper in full regalia, of course) and into the building for dinner and traditional Scottish entertainment. I had mixed feelings; they put a lot of effort put into it and it was obvious they wanted us to enjoy it all, but on the other hand it was very plastic.
Apart from that, though, I loved my trip. Cheers. |
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Egan
Joined: 21 Sep 2001
Posts: 2325
Location: Red Clydeside
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| Posted: Tue Apr 18, 2006 2:59 pm Post subject: |
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| DeepSix wrote: |
On a touristy trip to Edinburgh several years ago we were bussed to some restaurant or hotel or someplace where we were piped off the coach (by a piper in full regalia, of course) and into the building for dinner and traditional Scottish entertainment. I had mixed feelings; they put a lot of effort put into it and it was obvious they wanted us to enjoy it all, but on the other hand it was very plastic.
Apart from that, though, I loved my trip. Cheers. |
My mum and dad live in a little village in the Highlands where such stuff in endemic. One of the hotels along the road do a thing for tour groups where they have Christmas on the Friday night and then a, ahem, 'Real Scottish Hogmany' on the Saturday.
From April.
:huh:
Anyways, Here is a link to the finest tourist site about Glasgow in the World. And not a tartan in view unless you count Burberry.
http://www.glasgowsurvival.co.uk/
I used High Possil for my example because the place scares the living crap out of me. The teams up there (the gangs,) blow whistles when someone is going to get a doing to warn those who aren't involved to stay inside. |
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DeepSix
Joined: 27 Mar 2005
Posts: 802
Location: DB22
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| Posted: Tue Apr 18, 2006 3:07 pm Post subject: |
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| Egan wrote: | My mum and dad live in a little village in the Highlands where such stuff in endemic. One of the hotels along the road do a thing for tour groups where they have Christmas on the Friday night and then a, ahem, 'Real Scottish Hogmany' on the Saturday.
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Ooooh, they must live in "Brigadoon" - Thanks for the link! |
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